He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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