Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
