He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
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