Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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