Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
