My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
