We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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