im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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