I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
