I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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