Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
