So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize