I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
And then he peed in my hair
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