Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
