...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize