im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
