By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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