The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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