She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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