i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
