I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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