Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
