Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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