I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
