Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm jealous of your bromance
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
