I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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