I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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