so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
