Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I have tasted many bathrooms
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
