i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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