Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
