If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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