Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The beer is more important than you right now.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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