You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
