Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
