So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
