i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize