I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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