Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
This is classic penis vs brain.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize