Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
