so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
