hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
