Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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