You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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