You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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