He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
