I wanna bring you to show and tell
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
