Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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