clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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