my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
