Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize