Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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