just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
