im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
