Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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