birth control should be required to get into college
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
