a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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