she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
