dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
