I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
