So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
