I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
