the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
