There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize