tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
