He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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