When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
