either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
