my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
