I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
