u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Who died my cat blue again?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
