I accidentally burped into my bong.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
