ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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