This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
