Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
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