Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She bit a glass in half.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I have post one night stand depression
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize