New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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