Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
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