So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
